Yes, yes, I know. I’ve committed the cardinal bloggers’ sin of starting a blog and then giving up the ghost after three posts. (Cardinal Blogger… I’d vote for him as the next pope). Err, yes, anyway… as I said earlier I really am only using this as a warm-up to a proper blog, which will be coming shortly. Bet you can’t wait. Actually, given that I’m the only one reading this, I know that’s not true. Still, fun and games eh?

Off on hols tomorrow, so at least I have an excuse for not writing anything for a while. And I will, for once, have my own Happy Monday.

James Purnell, the new secretary of state for culture, media and sport, invented a new word today. While talking about his desire to stop the arts in the UK having to focus on targets he said:

“The fact that it’s in the bloodstream allows us to move away from what could risk becoming a sort of top-down, targets-led approach which I’m calling targetolatry: this idea that you turn targets into something you actually fetishise.”

Targetolatry? Oh dear… the sentiment behind the statement is admirable, but why spoil it all by murdering the English language in a way only politicians and business people can? It’s beyond me. No one else will call it targetolatry, so why should he? Ridiculous. (Thanks to a story in the Media Guardian for that).

Yvonne Ridley, the former Sunday Express reporter who achieved a degree of fame (or possibly infamy) by going undercover in Afghanistan and then being captured by the Taliban, has joined the English language TV news channel launched this week by the Iranian authorities. Press TV claims to be an antidote to the propaganda peddled by the Western media.

As the Guardian pointed out this morning, the Press TV website is carrying a story about the London and Glasgow terrorist incidents. The report plays it fairly straight until the end, when the reporter suggests “they were staged by the UK government, in order to tarnish the image of Muslims enraged by the knighting of Salman Rushdie”.

Interesting take on proceedings. Ms Ridley (who has converted to Islam since her capture) is quoted as saying:  ”I have had no editorial interference so far and I wouldn’t be here if someone did try to censor me. I like working for news outlets that don’t peddle propaganda.”

She must have hated working for the Express then.

No, the title isn’t a reference to this post, but a comment on one of Gordon Brown’s oft-repeated phrases – ‘a government of all the talents’.
That’s one of those soundbites beloved of politicians and the cosy coterie of journalists who cover what goes on in the Westminster Village. But what the Sam Hill does it actually mean? Read it again. Who has ever used that phrase in real life? ‘All the talents…’ It’s just bizarre.
You know what it implies, but it’s literal meaning is very different. All the talents? I hope to see a mime artist, a WWF wrestler and a circus clown on the Cabinet any day soon. Although, in the case of the clown… (insert your own ‘joke’ – possibly about John Major – here).
Maybe my little blog should be all about the misuse of the English language by politicians.
Maybe my title – ‘waiting for something to happen’ – should be changed to ‘waiting for some terrorist to blow me up’.
Why do I suddenly feel the urge to move to the Outer Hebrides and farm sheep?

The world doesn’t need another blog. I have a sneaky suspicion that whatever I write here won’t do much to further the human quest for whatever it is we’re questing for (unless it’s self-destruction of course – still, plugging in my laptop a bit more often than before won’t add much to my carbon footprint, right?) My ego isn’t so demanding that it feels it deserves an audience. Far from it. Most of the time it would rather stay in bed and hide from the world.

I also have a sneaky suspicion no one will read this blog.

But what the heck? Admission time: I’m only doing this because I need to learn about blogging for my job. I will at some point have to unleash my ‘real’ self onto the world – or at least my real identity. I guess I’ll be more truthful writing here under a hurriedly chosen pseudonym than I will under my own name in a corporate environment.

Enough of the adolescent theorising (I am, after all, 35). I feel the need to lay down my own blogging manifesto before continuing. These are promises to myself. After all, no one else will read them… So here goes:

1. I will not tell people what I’m doing at any given time.
I really don’t get the less creative Twitter posts and Facebook status updates. I don’t care what people are doing (including my friends). I do care what they’re thinking.

2. I will do my best not to be dull.
Dullness is in the eye of the beholder of course, so there’s no objective way of telling whether I’m boring the pants of the poor fool who happens to stumble across this. However, I can bore myself silly sometimes (it’s annoying that we can never escape the sound of our own voice), and so will stop writing as soon as I feel the over-sensitive self-censor within me stir.

3. I will try to find a theme.
The best blogs I’ve read are usually about something. At the moment, I’m floundering around like a small child who’s been thrown in at the deep end and can’t find anything or anyone to grab hold of. I’ll find my stroke soon enough. Probably.

4. I will use proper grammar.
I do, however, reserve the right to dangle prepositions and bend the rules a bit. This is supposed to be an informal, conversational medium, right?

5. I will add to this list as I go along.
But for now, I need to go off and do something else (oooh, that was almost a status update – sorry). I’ll sort out my blogrolls and all that later. It’s been… profound. Right, how to you actually publish one of these things…?